Class Work Friday 1/19 (will accept by Monday 1/22)
Walking through the hallway I see a light at the end, its a room with a ferocious finger eater trapped within a cage squawking and crying out. Reaching into the cage will be a mistake, knowing that I could easily be wounded. Walking to the sink to get some water I think that I need to get paper towels for the King in the cage. Working like a servant to please his needs is hard to do for such a picky eater. Once I am finished lazily working to please I must then clean up the mess the vacuum eating the seed like a Anteater sucking up the seeds like as ants. It is done, finally i have time to rest on the couch watching my television.
3 comments:
Excellent JV! I love how you fill it with metaphors. I also noticed how you relate the bird to what it does, instead of what it is. The only thing that could be improved on is your grammar and your sentence structure. for instance this sentence could be worded differently and structured differently: "Once I am finished lazily working to please I must then clean up the mess the vacuum eating the seed like a Anteater sucking up the seeds like as ants."
This piece was really interesting.
It's a bird right? X)
Well, I liked how you grabbed the reader's attention by your first sentence. "Walking through the hallway I see a light at the end, its a room with a ferocious finger eater trapped within a cage squawking and crying out."
I thought it was really good.
& I also liked "Once I am finished lazily working to please I must then clean up the mess the vacuum eating the seed like a Anteater sucking up the seeds like as ants." I thought that was really descriptive and I liked the comparison that you used.
This piece was very overall very descriptive and I liked the similies and adjectives you put into this piece.
ok so the words that i found particularly descriptive were
ferocious i could just imagine the bird nipping at your fingers when you used this word. i particulary like it.
King in the cage this also appeals to my sense of sight. i can envision the bird with a crown on its head and you running around getting it whatever it pleases.
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